new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize