why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
