I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
