Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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