Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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