you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
