How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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