There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Use "feeling words"
Yay
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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