i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize