I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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