Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i came on her dog
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
