We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
