Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize