...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My dad just said "fuck circus"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
