Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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