Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
