Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
