My hair reeks of homosexuality.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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