I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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