Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
