How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
