Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
