did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
