I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just threw up on my dentist
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
