i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
