And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
