Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
