maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
