your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
