Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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