He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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