i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
