First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
