If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize