Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
