I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
