Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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