Capitaan dildo arrescate!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I touched a dick in church today
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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