Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize