Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize