why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
birth control should be required to get into college
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
