I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
