i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
