Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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