i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
