Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize