we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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