Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
