I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
