yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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