the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
