OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize