peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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