You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
