Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
