I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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