Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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