The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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