there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
