ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm passing your future prison.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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