he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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