Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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