the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She announced her abortion via fbk
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
