We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
