porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
