Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
