i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
