I bet he comes in French.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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