Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
