I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
