That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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